quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
