i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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