plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I have fence marks all over my body
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
