How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
