i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
