Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize