I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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