Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
