I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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