Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
