Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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