I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize