he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
