he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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