I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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