i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
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Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
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The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize