I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize