How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
