i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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