When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
