I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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