and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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