My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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