i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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