im drinking this country out of the recession.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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