im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
