I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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