Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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