i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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