Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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