Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
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I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
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Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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