chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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