You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
