did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
