whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
