how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
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i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
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Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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