You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
