I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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