Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
