when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
So squirting runs in the family.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
