i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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