you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
