Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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