I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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