If i come over, it means nothing
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
