Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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