Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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