no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She's the barista slut.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
