Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
