Someone shit on the floor
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
