Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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