whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
