WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
