Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
