Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
