Midget sex pt 2 tonight
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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