all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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