There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
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He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
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Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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