THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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